IPV What Helps: Actions for Each of Us
Intimate partner violence (IPV) affects millions of people across all communities, backgrounds, and identities. But here’s what we know for sure: when we all play our part: whether as survivors seeking safety, loved ones offering support, professionals providing care, or leaders creating change: we can break cycles of harm and build safer communities for everyone.
The path forward isn’t one-size-fits-all. What helps depends on your role, your resources, and your situation. Let’s explore how each of us can take meaningful action, right where we are.
If You’re Experiencing Harm (Or Worried You Might Be)
First things first: you deserve safety: now and on your terms. No matter what anyone has told you, no matter how complicated things feel, your safety and well-being matter.
Immediate Support is Available
The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers 24/7 confidential support by chat, text, or phone. They also have an interactive safety-planning tool that can help you think through your specific situation. If you’re worried about someone seeing your search history, remember to clear your browser history after visiting their site. (See The Hotline: Get Help https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/; Create Your Personal Safety Plan https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/; Internet Safety https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/; hotline and chat/text evaluations: OPRE 2020 brief https://acf.gov/sites/default/files/documents/opre/advhocat_briefreport_v11.pdf; OPRE 2018 evaluation https://acf.gov/sites/default/files/documents/opre/advhocat_frd_report_to_opre_111918_508_compliant.pdf; user experiences in Journal of Family Violence 2023 https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10896-023-00646-z)
You don’t have to have it all figured out to reach out. Sometimes just talking through your situation with someone trained to listen: without judgment: can help clarify your next steps. (Evidence that brief hotline contacts can increase safety-planning knowledge and hope in the short term: OPRE 2020 https://acf.gov/sites/default/files/documents/opre/advhocat_briefreport_v11.pdf)
Building Your Safety Plan
Safety planning isn’t just about leaving (though that might be part of it). It’s about creating strategies that work for your life, your relationships, and your circumstances. Consider these steps when it feels safe to do so: (See safety-planning evidence syntheses: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8571112/)
Document what’s happening. Keep a record of incidents: dates, what happened, any injuries or damage. Store this information somewhere safe, like with a trusted friend or in a secure cloud account. (Supported in safety-planning reviews: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8571112/)
Gather important documents. Birth certificates, Social Security cards, insurance information, bank records, immigration papers: having copies stored safely can be crucial later. (Best-practice guidance: The Hotline safety plan https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/)
Create code words. Work out signals with trusted friends or family members. A certain phrase in a text or phone call can let them know you need help without alerting an abusive partner. (The Hotline safety plan https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/)
Think about tech safety. Abusers often use technology to monitor, harass, or control. The Hotline has specific guides on protecting your digital privacy and safety. (See technology‑facilitated abuse reviews: NIH/PMC scoping review 2022 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10486147/; Journal of Family Violence on tech abuse/stalking 2020 https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10896-019-00114-7; The Hotline internet safety https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/)
Remember: you know your situation better than anyone. Trust your instincts about what feels safe and what doesn’t. Digital decision aids can also help with safety planning and clarity (RCTs and eHealth trials: JMIR 2018 https://jmir.org/2018/1/e8; JMIR 2023 SAFE process evaluation https://www.jmir.org/2023/1/e42647/).
If You’re a Friend or Family Member
When someone you care about is experiencing abuse, your response can make all the difference. But it’s not always clear how to help in ways that actually feel supportive.
Listen Without Judgment
Believe survivors. Full stop. Avoid questions like “Why didn’t you just leave?” or “What did you do to make them angry?” These questions, even when well-meaning, can feel like blame. (Nonjudgmental support is associated with better coping and engagement: Journal of Interpersonal Violence 2016 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0886260515614282; PeerJ 2023 systematic review https://peerj.com/articles/15160/)
Instead, try: “I believe you,” “This isn’t your fault,” or “How can I support your safety right now?” (Training informal supporters improves responses: systematic review https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10913311/)
Offer Practical Help
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is offer concrete support:
- Provide rides to appointments, court dates, or safe locations
- Help with childcare during safety planning or appointments
- Offer emergency cash or gift cards for basic needs
- Let them use your phone or computer if their access is monitored
- Store important documents or a bag of essentials at your place
Tangible, nonjudgmental help from friends and family is linked with readiness to seek help and better outcomes (PLOS One 2024 ISRI https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0296770; PeerJ 2023 https://peerj.com/articles/15160/).
Share Resources, Respect Choices
Share information about the National Domestic Violence Hotline and local resources, but respect that the survivor gets to decide when and how to use them. Pushing too hard or making ultimatums often backfires and can put someone at greater risk. (Survivor help‑seeking is shaped by interpersonal and systems barriers—supportive, autonomy‑respecting responses matter: Journal of Family Violence 2023 https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10896-023-00495-w; qualitative evidence https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5055220/)
Your job isn’t to rescue: it’s to support someone as they make their own decisions about their safety and life. (The Hotline framework for family/friends: OPRE brief https://acf.gov/sites/default/files/documents/opre/saf-t_family-friends_research_bri_508.pdf)
If You’re a Clinician or Health Professional
Healthcare settings offer unique opportunities to connect people with support and resources. But traditional screening approaches don’t always catch the full picture, especially for marginalized communities.
Screen Routinely and Inclusively
The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends screening women of reproductive age for IPV, and most ACA-covered plans must cover it without cost-sharing as of June 2025. But effective screening goes beyond checking a box. (USPSTF Final Recommendation, 2025: https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/announcements/final-recommendation-statement-screening-intimate-partner-violence-and-abuse-older-or-vulnerable-adults; Clinician Summary: https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/document/ClinicalSummaryFinal/intimate-partner-violence-and-abuse-of-elderly-and-vulnerable-adults-screening; PubMed record: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40553450/)
Normalize the conversation: “We ask all our patients about safety in relationships because it’s such an important part of health.”
Use inclusive, trauma-informed language that doesn’t assume gender, relationship structure, or type of abuse. Consider incorporating identity-specific screening items: like questions about threats to “out” someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity, or interference with hormones or identity documents. (See LGBTQ+ inclusive IPV care and screening: Bermea 2021 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33985708/; pilot screening for transgender and gender diverse patients 2023 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10516247/)
Create Supportive Systems
Build warm referral pathways. Know your local domestic violence agencies, LGBTQ-affirming services, and legal aid organizations. A warm referral: where you help make the connection rather than just handing out a pamphlet: is much more likely to result in someone actually getting support. (Implementation facilitation increased screening and post-screening psychosocial service use in VA primary care: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10568536/; inclusive referral models for LGBTQ+ patients: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33985708/; gbMSM pilot showing need for active linkage: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0312807)
Ensure privacy and safety. Make sure you have truly private spaces for these conversations. Develop protocols for tech safety and consider flexible medication access for people who might need to leave suddenly: like same-day prescription fills or courier options. (Technology‑facilitated abuse is common and requires explicit safety protocols: NIH/PMC scoping review 2022 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10486147/; evidence synthesis on covert online risks 2020 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1524838020957985)
If You’re an Employer or Campus Leader
Workplaces and educational institutions play a crucial role in supporting people experiencing abuse. The economic impact of IPV is enormous: both for individuals and organizations: making supportive policies both compassionate and smart business. (Estimated lifetime economic burden in the U.S. ≈ $3.6T; major productivity losses: CDC/AJPM 2018 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6161830/; workplace disruptions among survivors including tech harassment: PubMed 2025 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40724212/)
Develop Clear Policies
Create specific IPV leave policies that allow flexibility for safety planning, court appearances, and relocation. Offer options like schedule changes, remote work, or temporary transfers to help someone maintain economic stability while planning for safety. (Family-supportive supervision can buffer work withdrawal among IPV-impacted employees: 2023 study https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s41542-023-00150-2.pdf)
Establish private reporting channels and make sure managers know how to respond with empathy, confidentiality, and resource navigation. (Costs to employers from absenteeism/tardiness among IPV survivors are documented: PubMed study https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17308202/)
Train Your Team
Equip supervisors and HR staff to recognize signs of abuse and respond appropriately. This means understanding that someone’s performance issues or attendance problems might be related to abuse they’re experiencing, not lack of commitment. (Economic abuse and IPV are linked to poorer mental health and instability that affect work: NIH/PMC 2024 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11465629/)
Connect your team with resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, local shelters, and legal aid services so they can provide informed referrals. (The Hotline guidance for coworkers: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/talking-to-your-coworker/)
If You’re a Policymaker or Advocate
Systemic change requires policy-level action that addresses the root causes of violence and ensures that all survivors can access the support they need.
Invest in Inclusive Services
Expand funding for shelters and services that truly welcome everyone: including LGBTQ+ survivors, immigrants, people with disabilities, and those who use substances. Many traditional services weren’t designed with marginalized communities in mind, leaving significant gaps in support. (Documented housing/shelter gaps and solutions: NRCDV 2023 policy brief https://safehousingpartnerships.org/sites/default/files/2023-06/Learning_from_Lived_Experiences_policy_brief.pdf; NLIHC 2024 guide https://nlihc.org/sites/default/files/AG-2024/6-2_Housing-Needs-of-Survivors-of-Domestic-Violence-Dating-Violence-and-Stalking.pdf; evidence-based DV Housing First outcomes in Journal of Family Violence 2023 https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s10896-022-00381-x.pdf)
Require gender-inclusive intake forms and train staff on cultural competency. Small changes in language and approach can make services accessible to people who might otherwise feel unwelcome or unsafe. (National LGBTQ Institute on IPV—policy guidance and national letter on full and equal access for trans survivors: https://lgbtqipvinstitute.org/national-letter/; OVW‑approved resource guide for sheltering trans survivors 2024 https://lgbtqipvinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Resource-Guide-for-Coalitions_Sheltering-Services-for-Trans-Survivors-OVW-Approved.pdf)
Address Technology-Facilitated Abuse
Invest in resources and training around tech-facilitated abuse, which is becoming increasingly common. This includes stalking apps, revenge porn, financial abuse through technology, and harassment through social media. (Scoping review on technology‑facilitated abuse: NIH/PMC 2022 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10486147/; evidence synthesis on covert online risks: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1524838020957985)
Support programs that teach tech safety and offer help, including replacement phones and devices for survivors at risk. (Practice resources: The Hotline internet safety https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/)
Build Workforce Capacity
Fund training for professionals across systems: healthcare, legal, social services, law enforcement: on trauma-informed, inclusive approaches to supporting survivors. Moreover, when professionals understand the dynamics of abuse and know how to respond effectively then survivors are more likely to get the help they need.
Moving Forward Together
The reality is that ending intimate partner violence requires all of us. It requires survivors who are supported in their own timing and choices, friends and family who listen without judgment and offer practical help; professionals who screen inclusively and connect people to resources. It also requires employers who can create policies that support economic stability during safety planning. And it requires policymakers who invest in services that work for everyone.
Each role matters. Each action counts. Additionally, when we work together: respecting survivors’ autonomy, centering marginalized voices, and addressing systemic barriers: we can create communities where everyone has the opportunity to live free from violence.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, by text to START to 88788, or through online chat at thehotline.org. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
If you’re interested in learning more about trauma-informed approaches in your professional practice, we offer training and consultation to help organizations create more supportive, inclusive environments.
